Chasing Dwarves
by Invisible-Anonymity 2.0.06.9
Summary: Bilbo finds a mysterious girl on her doorstep one morning and a letter warning her about the girl. When a wizard shows up on her doorstep talking about adventures, against her will Bilbo finds her self dragged into an adventure as a burglar and a spy to stop the mysterious girl from wreaking havoc on Middle Earth. In all of the chaos Bilbo finds herself drawn to a certain dwarf.
1. Chapter 1

**Chasing Dwarves**

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**By Mysti**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien owns it all. **

**A/N: This story is my entry in Fountain Castle's I would rather Take Your Hand Romance contest. My entry is due by the end of the year so I should be updating pretty fast. By the time this is published I'll most likely have a fair amount already written. **

**Since this is a romance story I decided to do a Bilbo/Thorin, only it's a Fem!Bilbo, just to warn ya'll. **

**I hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 1: Unexpected Guests**

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of warms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or eat: it was a hobbit hole and that means comfort.

On this particular morning the hobbit Bilbo stood in her garden enjoying the fresh breeze that lightly blew through her garden. Bilbo was a shy and gentle little hobbit who enjoyed her garden and books. She also enjoyed early mornings since she could enjoy her garden in peace and quiet. Only today was different, as Bilbo walked through her gardens greeting all her plants in her own peculiar way, she stumbled across a figure sprawled out across her garden path.

When Bilbo crouched down to check on the person, she saw that it was a girl. A very beautiful girl. She looked to be a little shorter than the big people but still taller than Bilbo. The girl was covered in dirt and blood and had many wounds.

After much effort Bilbo finally got the stranger safely into her home. Bilbo then removed the girls cloak and began washing and bandaging the girls wounds. As Bilbo did so she discovered that the girl had pointy ears like an elf. This puzzled Bilbo greatly.

What kind of creature was this girl?

Once Bilbo had the girl settled comfortably settled in a room she trotted of to her Kitchen to make some tea and scones for herself and some broth for her mysterious guest.

When Bilbo came back to check on her guest with a large mug of broth, just in case, the girl finally opened her eyes.

Her pale delicate nose twitched slightly, then her large eyelashes fluttered open, her large violet eyes catching the light.

"Where am I?" The girl asked in a low husky voice that belied her delicate appearance.

"Your in my hobbit hole, Bag End which is in the Shire," Bilbo replied in her small quiet voice. The girl smiled at Bilbo and attempted to sit up.

"You have my thanks little hobbit, my name is Altiriel, I am a ranger from the north,"

"Oh," said Bilbo in a surprised voice wondering how such a beautiful creature could have such a rough job. "I'm Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins," Bilbo said after a slight pause.

"Pleased to meet you Bilbo Baggins," Altiriel Said with another sweet smile.

After giving Altiriel the broth Bilbo scurried off to dig up some clothes for Altiriel. Her mother had collected some big people clothes throughout all her adventures, unfortunately all Bilbo could find was some pants and a tunic. After apologizing, Altiriel told Bilbo it was fine, saying she always wore pants anyway.

Once Altiriel settled down for a nap Bilbo went outside to contemplate the strange turn of events. Bilbo sat on her favorite bench in front of her hobbit hole and mused over the Altiriel's appearance.

Bilbo was slightly bewildered by her intense violet eyes, the unsettled Bilbo a bit, they seemed unreal. Also Bilbo couldn't help but think Altiriel's breasts were enormous. Bilbo herself was not very greatly endowed but Altiriel's were just unbelievably huge, Bilbo thought they were almost as big as her head. As Bilbo thought she shook her head tying to clear herself of those thoughts. They weren't going to help her situation.

As Bilbo continued to think a sudden small boom and flash next to her startled her out of her thoughts. For a split second Bilbo felt everything go clear, as if a fog or mist had been lifted. But the moment passed and the haze seemed to settle back over everything.

Bilbo turned to see what the cause of the loud noise and flash were. On the bench next to her Bilbo found a leather book with a letter on top. Puzzled Bilbo reached for it, a weird buzzing sensation came over her hand, Bilbo pulled her hand back but curiosity eventually won out.

As Bilbo reached for the strange book again a more pronounced shock ran through her hand Bilbo ignored it and grabbed the book. As soon as Bilbo grabbed the book the painful shocking sensation stopped, in fact everything seemed to become a little clearer again.

Bilbo slowly opened the letter on top of the book wondering who had sent it and how it had gotten there.

The letter read as follows:

_Alice Gail_

_Book Keeper's End_

_Dear Ms. Baggins, _

_My name is Alice, I am your worlds book keeper, it has come to my attention that you have a guest, a very strange and dangerous guest. Please do not be alarmed, any danger should be taken care of fairly easily. _

_You see that girl you found is what we call in my world a Mary Sue, they are extremely dangerous to your world and well being. _

_Very soon you will be going on an adventure, your job is to prevent Altiriel and Thorin Oakenshiled from falling in love, I know this sounds really queer but you just have to trust me and as time goes on you will understand. _

_If you have any questions or doubts throughout your upcoming journey the book I gave you should answer them. _

_Safe travels and good luck!_

_Sincerely,_

_Alice Gail _

After Bilbo finished the letter all she could do was stare, _What does all this mean? _She quietly asked herself. Bilbo sat in front of her hobbit hole her mood ruined. _Was this some sort of nasty prank? _Bilbo wondered.

And why in Middle Earth would she be going on some adventure soon. Her, Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, going on an adventure? Bilbo laughed to herself, it was definitely some sort of prank.

As Bilbo was thinking of who would pull such a joke she didn't notice the grey visitor standing in front of her gate, watching her with a twinkle in his eye.

"Good morning my dear Bilbo Baggins!" Bilbo jumped at the loud voice, looking up from the book and letter Bilbo looked at the grey stranger with wide eyes.

"G-good morning," Bilbo stuttered in reply still a bit surprised at the sudden appearance of another visitor.

"What do you mean," said the visitor,"Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?"

"A-all of them at once I suppose," Bilbo stammered. "Though it is a good morning to sit out in your garden and enjoy the nice weather,"

"Hm, indeed," said the visitor, " But I do not have the time to discuss what is a good morning. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone," at them mention of an adventure Bilbo felt greatly startled.

"I should think so-in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can't think what anybody sees in them," said our little Miss Baggins in a hasty flurry of words. Bilbo then turned away from the grey old man standing at her front gate, and busied herself by fiddling with the letter, after nervously stuffing it into the black leather book Bilbo stood up and turned back to the old man.

"Good morning sir, I'm afraid we don't want any adventures here thank! You might try over The Hill or across The water. But now I have things I must attend me so please excuse me, and good morning!" Bilbo had decided that she didn't quite like the old man very well, he put her off a bit with all the mention of adventures. As Bilbo stood to go she wondered in the man had anything to do with the letter and such.

The more Bilbo thought about it the more it seemed to make sense to her. In a huff Bilbo began to indignantly march back toward her hobbit hole completely through with all of the adventure business.

"What a lot of things you do use _Good morning _for. Now you mean that you want to get rid of me, and that it won't be good till I move off," huffed the grey traveler.

"Not at all, not at all my good sir," Bilbo said hastily for she was a most polite hobbit amongst many things. "Let me see, I do not know your name sir,"

"Yes, of course, though you do know my name, you just don't remember that I belong to it. I'm Gandalf, and Gandalf means me!" Gandalf loudly declared.

"Gandafl, Gandalf! Good gracious me! Not the wandering wizard that gave Old Took a pair of magic diamond studs that fastened themselves and never came undone till ordered? Not the man that used to make such particularly excellent fireworks! I remember those! Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve. They were quite splendid, and noisy, sometimes even scary," Bilbo said in a rush. Gandalf smiled down at the flustered hobbit.

"Well I am pleased that you remember something of me, even if it's my fireworks. Well then it's settled," said Gandalf.

"What's settled?" Bilbo squeaked in alarm.

"Your going on an adventure," Gandalf declared.

"An-an adventure," Bilbo stuttered, Sorry, but I don't want any adventures, thank you. Not today or any other day. Good morning! But please come to tea-any time you like. Why not tomorroe? Come tomorrow! Good-bye!" Bilbo said hurriedly and with that turned and fairly ran back to the safety of her little hobbit hole.

After latching the door behind her, Bilbo decided to make herself some tea to calm down, and then go check on her guest.

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**A/N: I hope you liked it. The part about Altiriel's breast was something I couldn't resist, when I was writing this I had just read a story with a Mary Sue that had size E cups and was only 14! Yeah, so I couldn't resist poking fun at that. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chasing Dwarves**

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**By Mysti**

**Disclaimer: See the first chapter.**

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**Chapter 2: An unexpected Dinner Party**

Bilbo sighed contentedly to herself as she cooked up some dinner. Altiriel still hadn't woken up from her nap yet, but Bilbo was planing on waking her once she finished making dinner. Then Bilbo had some question's for her, mostly about the letter. With a small frown Bilbo looked over to where she had set the letter on the table.

Bilbo made the finishing touches to the fish and was about to go wake Altiriel when she heard a loud thumping at her door. With a sigh Bilbo hurried to her door wondering who it could be at this time of day.

Maybe it was Gandalf and he had taken her up on tea, only it was very late for tea.

"Hello Ganda-" Bilbo froze as she opened her door, the large dwarf in the green cloak standing on her doorstep wasn't Gandalf.

"Dwalin, at your service," the huge intimidating dwarf said with a bow.

"Bilbo Baggins at yours," Bilbo said an high pitched squeak, forgetting to bow as she continued to stare at the extremely intimidating dwarf on her front step. After a long and more than slightly awkward silence Bilbo remembered her manners.

"I am just about to take my dinner, please come in and join me," Bilbo said in a rush, doing her best not to squirm under the Dwalin's gaze. Bilbo was quite unnerved by his gaze as he seemed most upset and disproving. Finally with a grunt and a nod Dwalin entered, Bilbo took his cloak and hung it up on the pegs next to her door, then Bilbo led the way to her dining room with Dwalin following her.

After Bilbo had gotten Dwalin settled down with some food she hung around awkwardly very unsure of what to do. Just as Bilbo was about to ask Dwalin where he was from Bilbo heard her door bell ring again.

"I suppose that must be Gandalf," Bilbo muttered to herself as she scuttled off to the door. Only when she opened the door it wasn't Gandalf, it was another Dwarf with a white beard and scarlet cloak.

Bilbo gaped at the dwarf on her doorstep, where were they coming from?

"Balin at your service," The old dwarf said bowing.

"G-good evening," Bilbo stuttered out.

"I see they have already begun to arrive," Balin said as he hung up his cloak next to Dwalin's green one.

Who were they? Bilbo silently wondered in shock, were more dwarves coming?

As Bilbo escorted Balin down to her dining room where Dwalin was she began to panic as she realized she most likely didn't have enough dinner to feed them all, not with the appetite Dwalin had shown.

Once again The door bell rang out loudly, with a weary sigh Bilbo warily scurried back to the door, on her doorstep there were two dwarves! Both of them looked younger and had a mischievous air about them.

"Kili at your service, said the darker haired one bowing low, "And Fili," the blond one added.

"Bilbo baggins at yours and you families," Bilbo replied bowing low.

"I see Dwalin and Balin are already here," Said Fili looking at the cloaks already hung up next to Bilbo's door as Bilbo excepted their blue ones.

Bilbo's shock and irritation went up even further, but she didn't have anytime to say anything.

Bilbo scurried around doing her best to fetch food and drink for the dwarves. Just as soon as Bilbo had a chance to rest and grab a private cup of tea in her kitchen to calm her nerves, the doorbell once again rang, as Bilbo was taking some time to get the door she heard a loud knocking on her door. Bilbo ran to her door, angry. She had just had her door painted a week ago, how dare they! Bilbo yanked her door open with all her might, eyes a blaze in her furry, ready to yell at whoever had dared ruin her freshly painted door.

Only Bilbo never got the chance to, Bilbo had opened her door so suddenly that all the doors had fallen over on top of each other. One hugely fat dwarf had landed on top and there were many shots of anger from the dwarves.

Bilbo heard a deep chuckle from over head, Looking up she saw Gandalf leaning on his staff and laughing at all of them. Bilbo placed her hands on her hips, and glared at Gandalf.

"So it was you," Bilbo heaved, to tired and stressed to care anymore. Gandalf chuckled, again.

"Yes, it was me," He said with a nod of his head. Before Bilbo could reply the clamor of the dwarves interrupted her forcing her to attend to them first.

"Let me introduce you to the dwarves, This Dori, Ori, Nori, Oin and Gloin," said Gandalf pointing to each in turn as they all bowed and greeted Bilbo.

"And these are Bifur, Bofur and Bombur," Gandalf said pointing to the last three, they tto bowed in turn and greeted Bilbo.

"I don't suppose Thorin has arrived yet?" Gandalf asked. Bilbo distractedly shook her head in reply as she helped the dwarves hang their cloaks up and find places for their belongings. Many of them had weapons much to Bilbo's alarm.

Once Bilbo got all of the dwarves settled in she went back to her kitchen. She found Altiriel standing there with a smile on her face.

"Did you know as well?" Bilbo asked warily plopping down in a chair. Altiriel nodded her head. Bilbo sighed and hung her head in defeat,

"It seems nothing is going my way today. Do you know why Gandalf brought all of them here?" Bilbo moaned into her cup of tea. Altiriel just chuckled before leaving Bilbo to go join the dwarves as they ransacked her pantries.

After moping for a little while longer Bilbo pulled herself together and marched out to the dining room full of chaos and dwarves. It was time to get to the bottom of this.

"Gandalf!" Bilbo yelled in a pitifully small voice compared to the dwarves racket. "Gandalf!" Bilbo yelled again scurrying out of the way of the dwarves.

"Yes?" Gandalf said wading through the mess of dwarves.

"What are all of these dwarves doing in my house!" Bilbo yelled at the top of her lungs. The whole hobbit hole went silent, as all of the dwarves and Altiriel turned to Bilbo.

"What do you mean?" asked Gandalf, though Bilbo could tell by the twinkle in his eyes he knew quite well what she meant.

"What is going on here, why is my house like this. Everything is a mess, and I never invited any of these dwarves. Why Gandalf," Bilbo questioned with a pleading look in her eyes.

"I invited them here," Gandalf replied. By know most of the dwarves had continued with getting thier food and had left Gandalf and Bilbo to work things out.

"Why did you invite them here? Why my house, you know how I hate strangers, and these dwarves are noisy and messy and a little rude," Bilbo ranted very close to tears.

"I think they're quite the merry gathering of dwarves. But You shall see soon enough," With those words Gandalf left Bilbo to inspect the damage that had been done to her pantry.

Bilbo sighed to herself, what was it with wizard's and being mysterious? After Bilbo had inspected the damage to her pantry she silently crept into her dining room hoping to avoid notice from the dwarves. Bilbo watched them as they enjoyed their meal, laughing and talking amongst themselves as they tossed food to each other, Bilbo almost left the room in disgust when the dwarves had a burping contest. As she watched them she silently wondered how they could enjoy such things. With a shake of her haed Bilbo searched for Altiriel.

She seemed to be enjoying herself, laughing and talking with the dwarves, notably with the younger two, Fili and Kili if Bilbo's memory served her correct. Though Bilbo couldn't help but notice that she avoided Gandalf at all costs. At one point when Gandalf wasn't talking with Balin the old dwarf Gandalf sent Bilbo a questioning look about Altiriel, Bilbo just shrugged in reply, though as Bilbo turned away she couldn't help but feel something pricking at the back of her mind.

"Excuse me, what should I do with my plate?" the dwarf Ori, if Bilbo's memory served her right, asked.

Before Bilbo could reply Bofur had snatched it out of Ori"s hand and tossed it down the hall to another dwarf standing outside the kitchen. Bilbo watched on in horror unable to do anything as the dwarves all began to throw her plates about. Many of them began to clap their hands and sing:

_Chip the glasses and crack the plates!_

_Blunt the knives and bend the forks!_

_Thats what Bilbo Baggins hates-_

_Smash the bottle and burn the corks!_

_Cut the cloth and tread on the fat!_

_Pour the milk on the pantry floor!_

_Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!_

_Splash the wine on every door!_

_Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl:_

_Pound them up with a thumping pole:_

_And when you've finished if they are whole,_

_Send them down the hall to roll!_

_That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!_

_So carefully, carefully with the plates!_

Much to the relief of Bilbo's heart the dwarves did no such things to her dishes and were quite gentle and nimble with them.

Once the dwarves had finished cleaning everything up and had finished teasing Bilbo, there was a loud thumping on Bilbo's door.

Gandalf, Balin and Dwalin all looked at each other.

Finally in a grace voice Gandalf stated,

"He is here," as everyone rushed to the door Bilbo silently wondered who it was.

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**A/N: I hope you liked it, please tell me what you think. Sorry if it's a little rough, I spent most of today writing, But I am happy I got it finished. Since this is the first draft it is a little rough. **

**Happy Writing! Mysti**


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